Don’t Be Sorry, Be Better
I am only one insignificant person. I may have a positive influence on one or two people every now and again but overall, I am not setting the world on fire with my existence. I’m not alone in the category of average human being. There are a lot of us in this bulbous inner portion of the bell curve. The exceptional people wouldn’t be considered exceptional if it weren’t for us average Joes. We need each other to maintain balance. We are the foundation that supports the pedestal of power.
My questions then are these.
To what degree are the powerful, exceptional humans expected to consider the lives of the average masses when carrying out their feats of prowess?
Yes, the masses tend to benefit from the accomplishments of the extraordinary. Without the worker bees keeping the hive humming, however, would the more powerful have the ability to soar?
Don’t both sides of the equation have a responsibility to look out for each other?
Though these philosophical questions could be a commentary on the government shut down and the border wall debate, national politics are not the origin of my query. The source of my dilemma is much more mundane, like me. Remember, I am an average human being.
In 2011 my husband and I purchased a condo in the heart of the city. The transition from single family home in the suburbs to a multifamily urban dwelling involved narrowing our proximity to neighbors. We had both spent time in multifamily dwellings in our younger days. Apartment complexes filled with twenty somethings. Renters with little concern for the property or people in their shared community.
Those days were a valuable experience that neither of us wished to repeat in our forties. We were gambling that an owner-occupied condominium building inhabited by older, more mature adults past the twenty something stage of human development would be a more pleasant living environment. For the first few years our gamble paid off. Life was great! We embraced a walking culture and enjoyed living smaller. Neighbors were conscientious, respectful and neighborly.
Change, however, is inevitable … always.
The dynamic of life is relative to the composition of its participants. Over time the players and the community have evolved. It’s every man, woman and child for themselves these days. Nuisance behavior is justified by minimizing the significance of the average members of our little community. Complaints of daily noise polluting our homes are dismissed. Requests for communication are ignored.
We are told, “There aren’t many people home during the day to hear the noise.” In other words, we are only a few insignificant people, our numbers too small to be of concern. In truth, four out of the five homes in this building contain people home during the day. A majority of inhabitants landing squarely in the nuisance zone.
One neighbor packed her bags and took her daughter to live with nearby relatives for a few days to get a break from living with a daily unsolicited wake up call and hours of noise pollution. Another, exploring musical talents, went to the roof of the building to make a musical recording free of the sounds of construction. As the sounds of hammering and drilling into concrete permeate my own home and shatter my concentration, I am forced to vacate as well. I’m writing from my new make shift office in a vestibule at the top of the stairwell. A cramped, inconvenient and odd space, but quieter.
The actions of the dominant few are legal. The insignificant are forced to tolerate the intrusion without representation. I am not interested in an apology from anyone. Empty apologies are meaningless words meant only to appease the victims of bad behavior. I don’t want you to be sorry. I want you to be better. I want all of us to be better.
I’m all for profitability in the business sector. Profitability is vital to a thriving community but if it comes at the cost of treading on the less prominent, the foundation for success will be weakened. Those in powerful positions should ask themselves a question. How can I accomplish what I need to accomplish in a way that is minimally intrusive and mutually beneficial upon those who will be impacted by this activity?
Think before you do. Open a dialogue with those whose lives will be most affected by your position of authority. Educate yourself on the potential impact of your actions and make decisions that will be mutually beneficial to all involved.
Examples of being better:
Communicate your intentions instead of blindsiding the lives of others.
Coordinate work schedules. Instead of forcing others to work around you, ask them to work with you. Find a way to compromise.
If you are frequently deconstructing and reconstructing an office space to accommodate specific needs of each new tenant, consider using a movable wall system instead. A higher up-front cost perhaps, but a money saver over the long run, and quickly and more quietly adaptable. Everyone wins.
Respecting the lives and space of those around you is your burden to bear. It is not another’s responsibility to silently tolerate your bad behavior. At first glance, my situation may seem unimportant to the grander scale of humanity. Accountability and compassion, however, must begin somewhere. That starting line is within each of us on a small scale. Start by being a better neighbor. A collective of better-behaved individuals can make a difference on a grander scale.
The art of civility and compromise could solve a lot of turmoil in the world today. To those in a position to dominate, I share a reminder that just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. The average and the extraordinary give meaning to each other. You cannot have one without the other. I am only one insignificant human being, but I am not alone in this distinction. History should tell you that we insignificant people do not possess an infinite supply of tolerance.
Originally published at Medium.com on 2-5-2019.
