Spontaneity Lost on the Road to Adulthood
Fun today is an organized and scheduled contract negotiation and I suck at negotiating. I am a weak powder puff of a negotiator. There was a time back in high school when I thought being a lawyer might be a possible career path for me. After a couple of weeks in debate class this idea quickly landed in the “Mistakes to Learn By” column of my life.
When did mediator training become necessary to have fun? When I was a kid, our backyard was the perfect kickball field. The clothesline poles bisecting the yard in half were ideal for first and third bases. The tree in the rear of the yard was aligned perfectly with the halfway point between the clothesline poles. Our dog Blacky had worn a path in the grass around the house. Home plate was a widened-out patch of dirt in that dog path, near the dining room windows, evenly lined up with the second base tree.
Perfect!
Neighborhood kids of various ages would gather in our backyard for spontaneous kickball games. No one had to consult a calendar for potential conflicts. Parents didn’t organize our play dates. No one filled our schedules with gymnastics, tap dancing, soccer, softball, ballet, or any other athletic endeavor that very few actually take to a professional level.
I have no recollection of how we all managed to communicate with each other and converge in our backyard without the use of cellphones. Wall mounted rotary dial phones with really long cords may have been involved. Another method of choice was likely riding bicycles around the neighborhood, without helmets, and yelling the news in Paul Revere style.
The only involvement parents had in our fun in the early 1970’s was as an observer. Covertly peering out a window, ready to intervene if trouble broke out. Mom made a brief appearance at the end of the day to call us in for dinner and send our friends on their way. A lot like last call at a bar, “You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.” Parents allowed kids to decide when to play, what to play and how to play.
Parents understood the importance of permitting children to learn. Rules were created and regulated by kids figuring out how to solve problems, compromise and work together. Fairness, honesty, integrity and loyalty were developed on the playgrounds and backyards across America back in those days. Supporting teammates and participating in civil competition was part of the game and part of the learning experience. Sometimes you would win and sometimes you would lose, but you always, always had fun.
Somewhere along the line it became necessary to have a mediator hammer out the contract terms of fun. Even an event as simple as having dinner with friends has become a dreaded ordeal. The parleys usually go something like this:
“Would you like to go to dinner with us on Friday?”
“Can’t Friday. We can get together with you on Sunday. What time and where?”
“Sunday’s fine. Say 6:00? How does that little French Bistro sound?”
“7:00 would be best for us. The hubby is afraid of sauces. How about something simple like a hamburger place?”
“Okay, fine. Sunday, 7:00, for hamburgers. See you then.”
Terms negotiated in my favor by me, The Powder Puff — Zero.
Sunday afternoon arrives and, Ding! A text message pops up.
“We have to babysit grandchildren. Can’t make dinner. Let us know when you can reschedule.”
As if my terms and conditions are of any relevance to this meeting meant to resemble having fun.
Contract breached due to our friends’ daughter’s dire need for time away from her offspring to see a movie with friends.
Well played, daughter of friend. Well played.
I don’t even try to organize a birthday celebration for myself or my husband. Dinner and a room escape adventure in honor of either of us would end up transpiring a week later, in conjunction with a grandchild’s birthday party, at Chucky Cheese with screaming children and a dancing mouse. Somewhere along the road to adulthood spontaneous entertainment left us. Fun is playing hide and seek with us and I truly hope we stumble across it’s hiding place before the game clock reaches zero.
I think I could use a little fun right now. I should probably get started on the negotiations. This could take awhile.
Originally published at Medium.com on 1-24-2019.
