A 47-Year-Old Mother’s Day Gift
September 2023 Issue
Inspirations for Better Living
Only one stranger and I occupy the early morning calmness of the hospital waiting room decorated in an assortment of soothing, neutral, geometric patterns. Neither of us show interest in becoming acquainted with each other. I do not look forward to my involuntary inclusion into the troubled lives of anxious family members soon to claim their own seat in the waiting room. I close my eyes and release a heavy sigh as I anticipate the inevitability of anxiety driven conversations soon to reach out in my direction. The silence diminishes as the nearby hallway fills with the sounds of ringing phones requesting attention out of my line of sight. The chattering of hospital personnel, beginning or ending their work shifts, drifts casually into the waiting room alcove and fades away as their lives move on to fulfilling their own personal agendas.
Strangers find me approachable, often telling me I have a wholesome look. They might not be wrong. Modest makeup, a simple hairstyle, and practical clothing suggest I am not a rebel or a diva. Mom and Dad taught me to oblige those in need and provide a steadying hand to calm their anxieties, but today, this wholesome Midwesterner prefers to avoid eye contact, tune out distracting small talk, and cocoon in my own bubble. I need a minute to focus my attention on advocating for my loved one. Mom lies sedated in an operating room as she receives a new aortic valve. Experience reminds me that time spent in the hospital marks where the caregiving begins, not where it ends. The standard progression of her congestive heart failure suggests a pacemaker will be next, followed by the need for escalating assistance for her day-to-day tasks. Our roles blur at a pace that gains momentum with each passing year.
Mom and I’s story mirrors the lives of parents and children around the globe. My parents and I have always had a close relationship, allowing each other to be independent while providing a helping hand when needed. I turned to Mom and Dad, the original form of Google, as life’s questions and dilemmas surfaced over my early adulthood. Memories of Mom’s capable, rational guidance fill my history. My mom has been the most constant and unfailing love of my life. A few months before her aortic valve surgery, Dad passed away, leaving Mom alone for the first time in her entire life. Now it is my turn to be her source of strength and encouragement; my turn to heal the wounds inflicted by time and circumstances. Despite knowing full well that the circle of life flows in this direction, the feelings of fear, sadness, and desperation surprise me, and fill my body with a strange combination of duty and denial.
Originally published in the September 2023 issue of Inspirations for Better Living digital magazine.
