Turn Up the Volume of Blessings
The concept of being alone in a crowded room plays on repeat for an introvert like me. Mom and I differ when it comes to social comfort levels. Mom is a talker, and I am a listener. She engages with friends and strangers with ease, a trait both foreign and fascinating to me. With Dad no longer by her side, Mom experiences aging in an unfamiliar environment out of her normal comfort zone. A place where solitude resides from time to time. Mom rides an emotional roller coaster, sending her soaring on the good days and plummeting into loneliness on the bad days. The holidays amplify the peaks and valleys and often turn the bad days into bad weeks. Sitting on the couch with my husband as we watch football on a lazy Sunday afternoon in early December, I tell him I need to give Mom a call. I had not spoken to her in several days and I wonder how things went at Friday’s holiday luncheon at her senior living complex. My cell phone rings right on cue.
“Hey, I was getting ready to pick up the phone to call you. Brad says, speak of the devil.” We laugh and Mom fanes offense at her son-in-law’s remark. “That is the first good laugh I have had all week long. It’s been a rough week. You would have been so embarrassed by the way I behaved at the Christmas luncheon a few days ago. I do not know what is wrong with me, but I have been down in the dumps all week. This morning I had my breakfast and my morning pills, changed clothes, and started crying. I felt so sad I just went back to bed, skipped lunch, and slept until about 3:00 in the afternoon.” I have heard sadness in her voice many times over the last few years, but this time is different. She sounds baffled by why she feels depressed and frightened of her inability to shake the blues. I get the feeling she is not telling me everything I need to know.
